Thursday, May 15, 2008


Feeling Low

My class people keep asking me what was wrong with me these few days..
" Why you look so emo?" "Stressed out for work?"

Lol..just to say, my mind is filled with less than 5% about work, despite all the projects due soon.

Been feeling weird this few days, i didnt knew why at first but i seem to gain nirvana (lol) during the bus ride back home today.
Not to bluff any of you, but i feel really sad for the people in Myammar homeless because of the cyclone and the lousy military government, more than 20,000 dead. Been feeling really sad because of the earthquake in Sichuan, 15,000 dead and i just saw the news that estimated figures for death toll is 50,000.

Didnt want to say it out in class because i was wondering to myself, will they really listen?
Furthermore, there was a catalyst that made me felt really emo which my class people cannot understand. I was reading some of our 4P2 de blogs, and i saw how everyone went on with their lives, the ups and the downs, how some cannot adapt to their new life, how some are excelling at what they want to do best.

It made feel weird. It made me felt empty. When i was younger, when such kind of disasters (referring back to top), i took it with a pinch of salt. However now, it was like those people were my relatives, and they were suffering while i was sitting here doing nothing to help. It made me saw how weak life can be, how vulnerable we are. How lives are lost and those who survived regret not spending a better time with their dead loved ones.

It made me felt how stupid we are. Here we are complaining about how hot the weather is, or complaining about little little trivial stuff, while people in those regions are suffering, and some of them are not complaining at all. I felt an urge to do something about it but i have not yet realise what to do and what i can do.

Then, on a personal level, i saw flashbacks of the good and bad times our class spent together. How we survived each day with CheeHong's scoldings, how happy we are when we went for outings, how sad we were for one another when one was feeling down. I regret, Deeply regret not doing much better. We are afterall Chinese, we tend to hide our true emotions behind our backs, that was why we always regret what we do, to certain extents, but those are just excuses.

It made me want to treasure everything i have more, but at the same time, fearing that if i adored too deep, im scared i cant take it when i have to let go of it. Especially my family, particularly my grandmother, i really love them, and i do not want anything to happen to them. What if one day i was to lose them, can i take it? i do not know and only time can tell.

It was all these that made me feel low, and maybe because i was missing the life i used to have, or maybe im just unable to find potential soulmates in school. This might sound anti-social but, sometimes, i just feel like sitting all alone at the back of the lecture hall, all to myself.

Maybe i just need some days to think it over, or maybe i just need a slap.

Posted by HenryTheGreat at 9:05:00 PM